I took my son to a restaurant for his birthday — our dinner came with a ‘murder certificate’
She’s got beef — and the guilt is eating her alive.
The steaks couldn’t be higher when preparing a special birthday dinner for a loved one. Perfectionist chefs de cuisine meticulously assess every aspect of the feast — from soup to nuts — to ensure mouthwatering flawlessness.
But nothing spoils a sumptuous meal like reading the death certificate of the once-mooing main course.
“I’m going to hell,” lamented stunned mom Robin Ownby, from Memphis, Tenn., to a virtual audience of over 7.2 million TikTok viewers in an eye-popping post.
“We got wagyū steak for my son for his birthday,” said the blond. “It came…with a murder certificate.”
“Murder, oh god!” she moaned.
Ownby, a professional wedding officiant, offered cyber spectators a glimpse at her dinner’s death documents. The paperwork came complete with a detailed account of the Japanese-bred cattle’s life — including birthday, age, hometown, harvest date and carcass number.
“It’s a baby,” whined Ownby of the bovine, which was butchered at only 30 months old.
However, the most heart-wrenching feature of the cow’s credentials was an ink blot of its nose print stamped at the center of the hard copy.
“I feel like a huge a- -hole,” she remorsefully penned in the caption of the clip.
But beef buffs begged Ownby not to beat herself up over the meat.
“A5 wagyu is treated like royalty. Those cows have a better life than I do,” commented a comforting carnivore.
“It’s nice to honor the animal that you’re about to eat,” noted another, whose sentiments were echoed by a separate supporter who wrote, “You do not have to feel guilty about the harvest.”
However, a handful of hungry hedonists were more concerned about flavor than feelings.
“Bet it was good [though] lol,” fawned a foodie. \
And, evidently, it was.
In a subsequent video, Ownby captured savory shots of her son slicing through the sublimely cooked steak like butter. She punctuated the post with the trending hashtag “#DeliciousThough.”
Ownby isn’t the only meat eater with a heart for the animals she digests.
Manders Barnett, 32, who lives completely off-the-grid in the woods of Oregon, recently revealed that she often chows down on roadkill because she’d, “rather eat it than let the death be in vain.”
But Mississippi mom Magan Schmidt showed slightly less compassion towards her pet rooster, HeiHei, who she chopped up, deep fried and served on a platter after the foul fowl “attacked” her young daughter.
“He got what was coming to him!,” the no-nonsense slaughterer declared on Facebook in January. “Mama don’t play when it comes to her babies.”
“HeiHei nuggets for dinner!.”
