Is your date a narcissist? Here are 3 ways to tell right away
These flags are so red they could revive the Soviet Union.
An Austria-based psychotherapist is sharing the three subtle ways a narcissist will reveal themselves on a first date.
“It’s crucial to take the time to get to know someone gradually — this can help protect against falling into the manipulation or trap of a narcissistic individual,” Dr. Alina Kastner told Newsweek.
“Our society is built on wanting to believe in Hollywood love stories,” she added. “They can be extremely persuasive and captivating, drawing people in with their confidence and charisma. However, this charm can mask their true intentions and manipulative nature to reel you in.”
Kastner’s TikTok on the narcissism warning signs has wooed 2.4 million views since it was posted last month.
Beware of love bombing
Love bombing, the not-so-subtle tactic of bombarding someone with compliments and gifts, is the first flag that Kastner advises to be on the lookout for.
“This can create a sense of euphoria and make you feel special, but it’s often a manipulation tactic to quickly establish a strong emotional connection,” she told Newsweek.
“[They] should be making you feel calm, safe and settled. You should feel as though you’ve arrived at a very [homey] energy. If they’re immediately making you feel like a million bucks, that’s a red flag,” she explained.
Kastner also says that engaging in superficial conversation rather than getting to know you on a deeper level is another warning sign to be mindful of.
Previous research has linked clinginess to doomed love.
Saying you’re the one on date one
Putting the cart before the horse with talk of forever is another major red flag.
“Narcissists may claim that you are their soulmate or their perfect match very early — this usually happens on the first date,” Kastner advised.
While this manipulation tactic may sound similar to love bombing — which is supposed to make someone feel flattered or special in the same way that compliments work — soulmate chatter is designed to make the recipient immediately feel a deep connection to the narcissist.
“Yes, this tactic is designed to make you feel a deep connection, but it’s often insincere,” Kastner noted.
“Narcissists are skilled at mirroring your desires and presenting themselves as exactly what you want in a partner, even if it’s not genuine,” she added.
Too much enthusiasm
Don’t take over-the-top behavior as a sign they just like you too much — and don’t show it yourself, either.
Kastner warns that getting the “swept away” feeling can easily lead to being duped by a narcissist.
“Feeling super excited and on edge can be a result of the intense emotions and attention the narcissist is directing towards you,” she said.
“The narcissist aims to create an emotional rollercoaster, making you feel on top of the world one moment and uncertain the next,” she shared. “This fluctuation of emotions keeps you hooked and more likely to overlook potential red flags.”
If things seem to be moving too quickly, that is also cause for concern, the psychotherapist added.
“They may also push for rapid emotional and physical intimacy because of this, to establish a ‘deep connection’ quickly to hook you in. It’s not out of genuine love. It is to manipulate and control you,” said Kastner.
“This can involve moving the relationship at a pace that is unusually fast, making it harder for you to take steps back and assess the situation objectively,” she continued.
Also, if things seem “too good to be true,” then they just might be.
Kastner suggests taking a proverbial cold shower in these instances — no matter how challenging it may be.
“Zooming out to evaluate objectively is extremely hard when you feel like you have just met the one,” she said.
Another relationship expert sounded the alarm that when a narcissist says, “I love you,” early on it might be a control tactic, as well as a cheater warning sign.
