The cereal that aligns with your zodiac sign, as per an astrologer

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

Named for Ceres, the Roman goddess of agriculture, breakfast cereal was originally developed by a religious fanatic and nutritionist spa owner named James Caleb Jackson who believed consuming dry pellets of unprocessed grain could improve digestion stave off drunkenness and cure people of the unholy urge to masturbate, according to The Pilot.

Dare to dream JCJ.

Though Americans take credit for the state of cereal as we know it, archeological evidence suggest something similar to Cheerios was consumed by our Bronze Age ancestors. For latter day foodies and fancy f**ks there’s this $50 box of miniature croissant cereal available from Brooklyn Heights bakery L’Appartement 4F.

Elitist pastry people aside, millennials are being billed as “cereal killers” as the generation of ghosting, quiet quitting and self-care is less likely than their predecessors to start their day or numb their pain with a bowl of cereal. But all hope is not yet lost. Representing for Gen-Z is Leo lip kit kingpin Kylie Jenner who shooketh the world in 2K18 when she documented the life changing effect of adding milk to her cereal for the first time. Dream big, sis.

In honor of Kylie and Ceres and National Cereal Day on March 7, we bring you a list of the zodiac signs as cereal boxes. Pour it out and eat it up my babies.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Cornflakes

The first born sign in the zodiac, Aries is ruled by warrior planet Mars. In kind, Corn Flakes is the cereal born from sibling warfare betwixt two Kellogg brothers. The younger of the two W.K. Kellogg, a card carrying Aries, was the first to suggest adding sugar to the previously bland flakes and the first to conceive of putting a toy prize in every box. In flagrant fire sign fashion. W.K. offered a free box of cereal to women who winked at grocers and the Corn Flakes mascot is an unapologetically loud rooster named Cornelius.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Reese’s Puffs

Launched during Taurus season in 1994, Reese’s Puffs are as absolutely decadent as the sign itself. While bulls charge when they “see red,” Taureans black out when they feel hungry, making this cereal, equally delicious when eaten by the dry, desperate fistful or with milk and spoon, a quick hitting fix.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

Trix

Noted TikTok therapist (you heard me) Jeff Guenther maintains that lovers of Trix cereal are “chaotic” and have “no idea” what they want in a relationship. He added that, much like the name implies, fans like to play tricks on their partners and are usually “scared of [their] own emotions and run from true vulnerability.” In turn, they won’t stick around for long and will “lily pad” through different relationships. True of Trix, true of Gemini.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

Honey Nut Cheerios

Cancer is ruled by the moon and natives often move through the world with a sense of emptiness they attempt to fill with old movies, romantic delusions and the flavors of a childhood they recall wistfully and incorrectly. Cheerios, in taste and shape represent that proverbial hollow moon.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Frosted Flakes

Big on boldness and shaky when it comes to subtlety, Leo will be the first to tell you that they’re great. An affirmative self-concept shared by fellow big cat Tony the Tiger and his cloyingly sweet, sparkle coated cereal.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Special K

By number and by birthright, Virgo is the most common zodiac sign and oft needs reminded of their “specialness.” We see you and we love you. Virgos are big on restriction and as rulers of the sixth house of daily habits, peculiar about consumption and nutrition. Prone to seek extreme measures in the name of health and wellness this is the sort that will subsist on cotton balls and vinegar or go all in on the ill advised Special K challenge,

Check out more of The Post’s food astrology content:

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Libra is ruled by Venus planet of love, flirtation and finery and the sign lords over the seventh house of partnerships. Relationship expert Jeff Guenther describes devotees of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in ways that eerily mirror the people of the scales and balances, “You have refined taste and it shows based on who you’re attracted to. You don’t mind being a trophy because you want your sweetie to flaunt you around town. It’s important that people are envious of your relationship and that’s obvious based on what you post online. You’re showy, but that’s OK because you can pull it off. You crave validation and can easily get it.” Facts.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Rice Krispies

If Scorpio were a cereal it would be Rice Krispies, whose signature Snap, Crackle, Pop sounds like a spell being cast or the dark tune of execution/dismemberment, both of which fall in line with the witchiest sign in the zodiac.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Lucky Charms

You simply can’t keep a Sagittarius down. Buoyant AF, they fly by the seat of their pants and survive on sheer luck, cheap charm and tall tales. Not even side effects like neon green s**t can dampen their spirits nor dull their shine as they keep an eye cast on the rainbow and bet their luck on the pot of gold or cereal box stuffed with blow.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

Cap n’ Crunch

The creator of Cap n’ Crunch credited the success of the cereal to its “want-more-ishness” flavor profile, a metaphor if there ever was one for the striving, capitalist nature of the average Capricorn. On a vocational level, sea goats make for natural sea captain as they look great in structured uniforms and live to bellow commands to underlings.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Fruit Loops

Aquarius energy lives to push boundaries and make others uncomfortable with their unusual agendas. Keen on going where no one has gone before, these are the people that have no fear of shaving off their eyebrows or drinking purple milk. Ruled in part by Uranus, planet of chaos, these are the sort to put Fruit Loops on pizza just for the f**k of it. Dare always to be dangerously different my dudes

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

Raisin Bran Crunch

In a surprise to no one, the man credited with the creation of granola, a precursor to Raisin Bran Crunch, John Harvey Kellogg was a Pisces. True to the dichotomy of this sign, which swings and swims between nihilism and progress, insanity and imagination, and thus ranks at #2 in our list of the most dangerous zodiac signs, Kellogg was a hate mongering hippie, both a social progressive and the kind of monster who donated his entire fortune to eugenics research.

Astrology 101: Your guide to the star

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.