These sex toys are worthy of some buzz.
Tune in to getting turned on and let the good vibes commence when National Sex Toy Day arrives November 4.
Appropriately placed in the middle of Scorpio season, the holiday was established in 2010 by Dr. Sandor Gardos, CEO and staff sexologist of MyPleasure.com. A clinical psychologist and trained sex therapist, Gardos decreed there should be a day to honor human sexuality and the ways in which technology has brought us ever closer to climax.
National Sex Toy Day is also a time to celebrate the myriad health benefits of regular, earth rocking orgasms, including but not limited to clear skin and better sleep. Sex toys have been around for as long as humans have been getting it on, with OG models made of wood (ouch), leather, stone (GTFO) and resin covered camel feces (hard pass).
Here’s a lesson in erotic etymology for one and all, the term dildo has been in use for nearly a thousand years and originates from the Latin ‘dilatare’, meaning ‘open wide’, and the Italian for delight, which translates to ‘diletto’ and definitely does not apply to the aforementioned fecal phallus. One of the many blessings of being alive and sexually engaged in the 21st century is that the tools of and for pleasure have never been more expansive.
With this in mind and in loins, we bring you a list of the sex toys and/or intimacy accessories that best align with each zodiac sign. Because sexuality is largely informed by the presence and placement of Mars (red hot planet of passions, f***ing and fighting) in the birth chart, make sure to read for your Mars sign as well!
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Womanizer Premium Clitoral Stimulator
Aries thrive on the new and the novel and will vibe (pun intended) with the Womanizer which features an autopilot function, “that gives you a completely unique session every time you use it. It works by randomly selecting new stimulation patterns and intensities to keep your time together fresh and exciting.” Fresh and exciting, feeling like the first and available in red, black and raspberry.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Satisfyer Magic Bunny Vibrator
Taurus is ruled by planet Venus, named for the goddess of love and fertility. As we know, nothing smacks of fertility like pomegranates and rabbits. For this reason, we recommend that bulls get on board with bunnies in the form of the Satisfyer Magic Bunny Vibrator. As one satiated customer describes, “the material is sooo soft, the design is sleek and cute, it looks like a $300 toy and feels like it too.” Bang for the buck and cute to boot? Big time Taurus energy.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Lovehoney Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag
Ruled by Mercury, planet of stream of consciousness thinking and periodic word vomit, a radical kink for Geminis would be keeping their mouths shut, or at least muted with the aid of this Boutique Ball Gag. In the sentiment of Lovehoney, supported by anyone that has ever loved a Gemini, “We all wish we could gag our other half from time-to-time, so why not give it a whirl in the bedroom? Made from smooth silicone and durable faux leather, this innovative ball gag features silicone extensions for extra-comfortable, muffled restraint play.” Muffled restraint play? Music to the ears.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
The Night In
Cancer loves nothing more than an excuse to never leave the house and The Night In bundle from Dame encourages hot sex for hermits Complete with massage oil, lubricant a couples friendly, hands free toy and the company’s best selling Aer, the bundle is the perfect addition to an adult slumber party.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Discreet Lipstick Vibrator
For Leos, looking good and feeling good are of equal importance, making this pocket vibrator, cleverly disguised as a tube of lipstick the perfect accessory for the lion pride. Affordable and coming correct with a swath of 5 star reviews, Discreet’s Lipstick Vibrator makes for a great gift for or from lions who love to share pleasure and receive praise.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Original Magic Wand
By birth numbers, Virgo is the most common sign in the zodiac and the OG Magic Wand is among the most well known sex toys on the market. Virgo is the sign of service, always on the look out for ways to be of use to others. In kind the wand is durable, discreet and practical, Virgos will appreciate that the Wand doubles as an effective massager, promising, “As you glide the deep, soothing vibrations over your partner’s body or your own, you’ll also realize the Magic Wand is just as great for working out kinks as it is for satisfying them.”
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Lovehoney Rose
Libras like classic love stories, facial symmetry, clean lines and expensive floral displays, making Lovehoney’s Rose a natural choice. The manufacturer advises, “Don’t be fooled by the soft organic form of this rose clitoral suction toy. This orgasm-inducing masterpiece brings oral to floral, it’s sole purpose to lavish your clitoris with blissfully blended gentle suction and arousing pulsations.” Ruled by Venus, planet of art and pleasure, Libras were born to for “orgasm inducing masterpieces.” Bonus: the Rose doubles as a boutonnière and feels great on nipples too.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Lovense Lush
Nothing thrills a Scorpio more than secrecy, with the possible exception of revenge. Enter Lovense’s Lush Bullet Vibrator, a Bluetooth compatible and remote control operated sex toy. Fun for solo adventurers, long distance lovers or those that want to raise the stakes on dinner and a movie, Lush provides endless possibilities for when, where and how you get off. Still not sold? Consider this product review from a probable Scorpio, “I let my significant other control it.
The #1 rule was I couldn’t tell ANYONE I was wearing it. #2 is I had to wear it whenever he told me to. Battery life IS TOO LONG‼️ I needed a break. Due to his petty nature and strong battery I was messing up math equations when I got called on in class. Dropping pens, kicking stuff and having outbursts in the back of the class. Because NO ONE knew what was going on (because of rule #1). Worth every penny.”
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Under the Bed Restraint System
Personal freedom sits high atop the priority pyramid for Sagittarius. Adventerous archers, which is all of you, can explore the utterly foreign feeling of confinement with Adam and Eve’s Under the Bed Restraint System. Better tied up than tied down, amirite?
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Harness Tomboi Strap-on Harness
Caps like to wear the pants and hold the power in all dynamics and though this Funfactory’s strap on harness is technically a pair of shorts, the overall effect is the same. Locked and loaded and compatible with most dildos, the harness features two internal pockets for bullet vibrators. Sea goats are a practical lot drawn to what endures and true to form, the manufacturer’s description emphasizes “comfort, durability, ease of use, and sturdy design.” Strap on and get off my dudes.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Tenga Flip Zero Gravity
Aquarius is the sign of the boundary line, what’s within and what’s beyond. Naturally, this includes outer space and limit testing and Tenga’s Flip Zero Gravity promises “a revolutionary level of pleasure.” Lube is included and water bearers will appreciate that the product manual appears to have been designed by kinky, probe positive aliens and that the Japanese company has plans to send a pleasure rocket packed with the written desires of humans into outer space.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
IROHA + KUSHI Vibrator
I dare you to watch this product video and tell me it was not produced by or for a Pisces. This brand is named in honor of an ancient Japanese poem about flowers and their vibrators looks like hand held sea creatures dreamed up by mermaids smoking opium in the sunshine. I rest my case.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon, and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
