From Eiffel Towers to golden showers, let’s talk about sex baby.
The way we get off and get it on is influenced by several factors including but not limited to; our upbringings, societal norms and subversions of it, sports we play in high school, pornography, moon phases, and the first person we ever fantasized about, thanks for the masturbatory memories, Gavin Rossdale.
Not least among these influences is astrology. Zodiac signs speak volumes about carnal preferences and while there’s probably the odd Aries that likes it tantric and a Taurus opposed to oral — I haven’t met them yet.
With this in mind and with pleasure at the forefront, I bring you a curated list of the sex positions and kink prompts that will broaden your mind and deepen your pleasure. As with all physical intimacy, consent is key, safety is paramount, communication is called for and as Megan Thee Stallion, patron saint of “WAP” will attest, lubrication is your friend. Whether you’re a contortionist or a comfort seeker, read on to learn more about how to put it down.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Edging
For an Aries, patience is not a virtue to be valued. Voted the sign most likely to have sex in a gas station bathroom after a heist, rams might find that the biggest challenge, and greatest reward comes from holding off and pulling back from the point of release.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Cowgirl/cowboy/reverse cowgirl/reverse cowboy
Taurus folk prioritize minimal effort, guaranteed orgasms and looking good at all times, making them mainstays bottoms and avowed fans of the missionary position. Yet, every now and again the bull needs to leave the pastures of passivity. Saddle up, and settle on top and throw it in reverse so you can watch HGTV while you’re at it.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Ménage à trois
Gemini natives tend to get turned on by tête-à-têtes and easily bored by monotony. The dual, unreconciled nature of the sign is well suited for an extra lover, one for each side y’all. Bonus: For perennially talkative Geminis in committed relationships, a three way will leave you and your partner with lots to unpack after you take it off.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
The Lotus
Cancer is a sign that values closeness and The Lotus position is about as close as a couple can get. While one partner sits cross-legged, the other faces them and wraps their legs tighttly around their torso. Intimacy is intensified here through unavoidable eye contact and the alignment of several shockers. This position, like most Cancers, requires a strong partner willing to offer support. As the most nostalgic sign in the zodiac, we recommend practicing this position from the back seat of a classic car while Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumors” plays softly.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Make a sex tape
How is a Leo to be sure of their best angles until they’ve seen them all? Lions rule the fifth house of pleasure and we can all learn a thing or two by watching you pursue it. With no more than a cell phone, a projector, a ring light and a little gumption you are primed to see yourselves, solo or in congress with another, on the big screen in the starring role of orgasm beneficiary.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Al fresco f***ing
His Virgo highness, Ludacris, wrote the definitive poem about pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, the 1999 opus “What’s Your Fantasy,” to remind us that Virgos like to do it, often and everywhere. This mutable earth sign is easily turned off by clutter, unwashed dishes and dust laden ceiling fans, making the lawless, dirty on purpose setting of nature a prime setting for a restorative roll around.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses?
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
69
Libras are disquieted by bad manners and disproportion and this numerical position, where both partners receive and deliver oral sex at the same time, ensures everyone is treated equally. Also, if performed on a dining room table with enough enthusiasm and a well placed center piece this position even resembles the scales and balances that symbolize the sign.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
The Amazon
As someone, but definitely not Oscar Wilde once said “Everything in human life is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” No sign understands the dynamics of power more fully than a Scorpio. In this position, named for the band of fierce, female warriors from Greek myth, the partner being penetrated is in a position of control. The penetrating partner lies on their back with their legs bent in a tabletop position, knees together. The receptive partner squats above them, with their legs braced on either side of their partner and rides to victory. Whether submitting to another or inviting a lover to surrender themselves to you, this position, like the sign of Scorpio and the Amazons of yore, is about challenging distributions of power.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Light bondage
Sagittarians value personal freedom above all else, so what better way to challenge and change your perceptions of boundaries than with restraints? Rest assured that just because you get tied up, you are under no obligation to be tied down. Bonus: you have a reputation for speaking the truth even and especially when it’s unsolicited but you won’t be able to put your foot in your mouth if you’re wearing a ball gag.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
The Wheelbarrow
For an earth sign that prioritizes productivity there is no more apropos sexual position than one named for an agricultural accessory. No strangers to being in control, Capricorns struggle when it comes to conceding or collaborating. Yet, by assuming either the receptive (hand)stance or wheel command, Caps will need to acquiesce to team work to make it work in this challenging act of fulcrum fornication. This position is a bit like a high octane version of doggy style; it’s easiest if the receiver begins on all fours and their lifts their legs back and up, wrapping them around their torso. The penetrating partner stands upright, holding the hips of the receiver to stabilize and control thrust and depth
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Missionary Position
Recently voted the least emotional zodiac sign, Aquarians are more about intellect than intimacy, preferring discussions about sex to the act of it. For you water bearing, feeling withholding folk, I prescribe the intensely personal, faithful standby of the missionary position to make sure you stay attuned to your partner and firmly planted in the present. For a sign that struggles with feeling seen, this position ensures you can’t look away.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
The Butterfly
There’s nothing shallow about the thoughts, feels or fears of this mutable water sign and Pisces people are best served by a position that offers penetration of a similar depth. Cultivators of failed poet vibes, Pisceans can also appreciate that the Butterfly borrows its name from the most whimsical and oft rhapsodized creature in the animal kingdom. To nail it, pun intended, the receiving partner lies on the edge of the bed or kitchen counter while the penetrating partner stands between their legs. The receiving partner places their ankles on the shoulders of the penetrating partner or crosses them behind their neck.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
