Valentine’s Day is upon us — whether you’re hitched, on Hinge, poly, or conscientiously abstaining, love is in the air and clouding the commercial ether, folks.
In honor of the season, and no matter your status, we’ve got a romantic comedy to suit your star sign.
According to “Glamour Magazine,” the genre owes a debt to old Hollywood, specifically films known as “comedies of manners,” which followed a wealthy protagonist who invariably fell in love with a down-at-the-heel type. See, “It Happened One Night,” the natural predecessor of “Crazy Rich Asians.”
This ‘money can’t buy love and love is the greatest wealth of all’ narrative was by all accounts, comforting to threadbare Depression-era audiences.
Screwball comedies came in next, succeeded by sex comedies that pitted professional rivals against each other to hilarious and heartwarming effect.
As film is invariably a mirror of the culture in which it is created, the sexual revolution of the 1960s further changed the landscape, ushering in radical romantic comedies; cynical, existential films about relationships that called into question themes of lasting love and personal autonomy. (See: “Annie Hall.”)
Today we live, watch, and hope in the era of the neotraditional romantic comedy — one that emphasizes compatibility and compromise.
(My version of a romantic comedy is “Natural Born Killers,” but that hasn’t prevented me from prescribing a love story for your stars.)
For more love and commerce, follow the links to find the kind of flowers, sex toys, signature scents, and lingerie that sing to the spirit and speak the love language of each sign,
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Ten Things I Hate About You
A prime example of a fictional Aries boyfriend? IRL ram Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona in “10 Things I Hate About You.” Rebellious Verona meets his match in acerbic Kat Stratford played by Julia Stiles, a fellow IRL Aries. Together these two fire-born beauties inhabit the frustration of wanting to be finished with something (high school) and on to the next adventure (literally, anything else.) Full of the fine-line energy between love and hate, passion and ire, insult, and attraction, this teen classic is cardinal firepower.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Moonstruck
Apex Taurus Cher once admitted that she has limited range as an actress. As the mononymous icon told the New York Times, “I’ve never tried anything more than playing who I am. If you look at my characters, they’re all me.” Taking the woman at her word, then her performance as hot widow Loretta Castorini also falls under the stars of the bull. A superstitious homebody that trades in a rich suitor for a rakish bakery owner? Checks out.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
When Harry Met Sally
Most Gemini folks would rather talk about sex than have it and the majority consider a healthy debate akin to foreplay. Enter “When Harry Met Sally,” a canonical film that begs the question, “Can men and women ever just be friends?” A romantic comedy predicated on disagreement and peppered with late-night phone calls, highly quotable dialogue, and the love stories of various couples? Gemini to the hilt.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Ruled by the moodiest of luminaries, Cancer natives are ever and always trying to protect their vulnerable underbellies from being seen or exploited. Crabs will recognize themselves in the deflecting tactics of 2003’s “How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” which pits a die-hard, big betting bachelor against a reporter pretending to be desperate both to prove a point and to avoid true intimacy. Sounds like some water sign s–t to me.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
13 Going on 30
Rulers of the fifth house of creativity, Leo represents the inner child kicking around in the ever-aging husk of each of us. “13 Going on 30” honors that kiddo and the wish to be “thirty and flirty and thriving,” catapulting a fresh from the threshold teenager into the adult form of Jennifer Garner. Complete with a happy ending and a “Thriller,” dance sequence, big cats will be very satisfied.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
The Princess Bride
Virgo rules the sixth house of service and daily rituals — never has bucolic farm work and fetched water pitchers felt more aspirational than in “The Princess Bride.” Wesley’s refrain of “as you wish” is a familiar rattle in the hearts of all devoted Virgos. Concerned with ritual purification, this mutable earth sign will appreciate that true love — which reigns supreme and happily ever after — is born from staying the course.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
The Lobster
Symbolized by the scales and ruling the seventh house of partnership, those with serious Libra placements often fear being alone and feel incomplete without a romantic attachment. “The Lobster,” a dark romantic comedy set in a hotel (Libra’s preferred environment) satirizes societal expectations by creating a world in which the punishment for not finding your match on time is transmogrification into an animal.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Bones and All
While this one falls squarely in the very niche romantic horror genre, Scorpios will appreciate that darkness sees darkness and love conquers all in this story of cannibal outcasts on the open road to nowhere but each other.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Harold and Maude
Sagittarius is the sign of the seeker, the subversive, the unexpected, and optimism as a weapon of resistance. “Harold and Maude” is a black comedy that follows the unlikely romance between a death-obsessed teenager and a criminal septuagenarian (and obvious archer). The film illustrates what Sag innately understands; that at its highest potential, a free spirit is an airborne contagion and love the greatest liberator.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Love & Basketball
Capricorn is ruled by grind-or-die planet Saturn. Oxygenated by oneupmanship and dedicated to the long game, those born under the sign of the sea goat make for natural competitors. Enter “Love & Basketball,” a story of two athletes whose love of the game is often at odds with their love for each other. Featuring one-on-one strip basketball and a double for nothing, the prize is your heart game of hoops, this is the quintessential movie for a sign that believes in winning at all costs — and in finding a partner that can go the distance.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Fire Island
Aquarians, governed as they are by status-upholding Saturn and burn-tradition-to-the-ground Uranus, will appreciate this modern retelling of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice.” Set in the charming hamlet/gay mecca of New York’s Fire Island, the movie champions the bonds of friendship while exploring classism and culture clashes amidst a background of drugs, sex, and other complications.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of delusion and forgetting, brain fog, and the getaway car that carries you away from reality. In kind, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is a dystopian romantic comedy that follows former lovers who go to great and extractive lengths to escape the memories of each other. Clementine, played with aplomb by Kate Winslet is a classic, manic pixie dream girl and quintessential jewel-haired, tender-hearted, martyr for love Pisces.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
